


"We're not lost anymore."

by LiraelClayr007



Series: My 31 Days of Ficmas [10]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Night Terrors, Pete's World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 04:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12975765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiraelClayr007/pseuds/LiraelClayr007
Summary: The Doctor has been having bad dreams since that day two years ago on Bad Wolf Bay. They don’t come often—Rose is thankful for that—but they are all the more terrible for their infrequency. The first time, only a week after they’d settled into Rose’s—now their—modest house, Rose had tried desperately to wake him. She’d been terrified; he’d shook and cried out and even pushed her away when she tried to comfort him. She’d spent the night on the floor, back pressed against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees, listening to him suffer through what was undeniably a night terror. She finally drifted off to sleep just before dawn.





	"We're not lost anymore."

_ “Rose! Hold on! Hold on!” _

_ Daleks fly past them, pulled inexorably into the breach. He sees Rose’s fingers tighten, tighten, then… _

_ “Noooooo!” _

_ Her scream mingles with his cry. _

_ “Rooose!” _

_ Part of his brain races through calculations. Can he reach her in time? Is there anything-- _ anything _ \--he can do? _

_ The rest of his mind is blank of everything but  _ her _ , his Rose, disappearing before his eyes. _

_ “Rooose!” _

_ He thinks his hearts will stop, and then Pete appears, whisking her away to another universe. _

_ And then his hearts break. _

_ The breach closes. _

_ His Rose is gone. _

* * *

 

She wakes to him thrashing in their bed, thrashing and drenched in sweat. His lanky form is tangled in sheets, and she can hear him murmuring incoherently. Leaning closer she hears two agonizing words:  _ hold on.  _ She pulls back as if stung. 

Canary Wharf. 

This is her nightmare too, although not tonight.

* * *

The Doctor has been having bad dreams since that day two years ago on Bad Wolf Bay. They don’t come often—Rose is thankful for that—but they are all the more terrible for their infrequency. The first time, only a week after they’d settled into Rose’s—now their—modest house, Rose had tried desperately to wake him. She’d been terrified; he’d shook and cried out and even pushed her away when she tried to comfort him. She’d spent the night on the floor, back pressed against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees, listening to him suffer through what was undeniably a night terror. She finally drifted off to sleep just before dawn.

He found her there, slumped against the wall, when he woke the next morning. He knew what had happened. It had been a terrible dream. The Time War, Gallifrey was burning…

No. Not now. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Ever so gently he scooped up Rose, tucked her into bed. He kissed her on the forehead then crept out of the room to find some breakfast.

A few hours later she found him at the kitchen table, wrapped in a blanket, staring out the window, the mug of tea in his hand gone cold. His eyes were fathomless, and elsewhere.

“I don’t know if it’s a Time Lord thing, or something unique to me, but I can’t wake up in the middle of a nightmare,” the Doctor said, as if they’d been in the middle of a conversation. “So if you tried to wake me up, that’s why. There wasn’t anything you could have done. It’s like when you get one of those 24 hour viruses. Just have to let it run its course.” His eyes never left the window.

“Doctor--” she started, but he cut her off.

“It was the Time War, Rose. I don’t want to...I can’t…” He slammed his mug of tea onto the table and tore at his hair. Finally he turned away from the window and looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Rose. I just can’t. It’s too much.”

Her smile quavered, but it was genuine. “It’s alright, Doctor. Whatever you need.” She eased his hands out of his hair and held them in her own. He didn’t speak, but he did squeeze her hands. She’d take that.

* * *

Rose sits against the headboard; it’s no use trying to sleep. She scoots toward the whirling dervish that is the Doctor, pulling under his arms to cradle his head and shoulders in her lap. She knows he won’t wake, but she can do her best to comfort him. Sometimes it helps. A little.

She runs her fingers through his sweat-soaked hair, tries to smooth the creases from his forehead, whispers soothing words of love. She holds him tight to her when he nearly throws himself off the bed. 

She listenes to his words. He relives her failure over and over; she hears  _ hold on _ and  _ Roooose _ and  _ nooooo  _ more times than she can count. Her fingernails have dug crescent shaped marks in her palms from trying to “hold on” for him.

And then, without warning, she knows he is in the TARDIS, saying goodbye to her on Bad Wolf Bay. She hears  _ burning up a sun _ and  _ universes would collapse _ and  _ quite right too _ .

And then he is crying. Sobbing. And she knows he is awake, because he is clutching at her, burying his face in her nightshirt. “I lost you! I lost you! And I told you I love you and you didn’t hear me! Why didn’t I say it sooner? Why didn’t I crow it from the rooftops?” His voice breaks, desperate. He is awake but still gripped by the nightmare.

“Shh, I’m here, I’m here,” she murmurs, one hand in his hair, the other tracing gentle circles on his back. “I found you, remember? We’re not lost anymore. Not even separate universes could keep us apart. I’m here, I’m here…” A few tears slip from her eyes. Of course she had found him. How could she not?

He quietens, then relaxes, and soon Rose realizes he’s actually--amazingly--fallen into a true, peaceful sleep.

* * *

_ “How long are you gonna stay with me?” Rose asks. _

_ “Forever,” the Doctor answers, smiling. _

_ They both know it’s true. _

**Author's Note:**

> 31 Days of Ficmas || Day 10: Peace
> 
> *
> 
> This was a tough one for me. It's been in my head to write about the Doctor having nightmares for awhile, but it's always seemed so...big. I'd love if you could take a moment to let me know what you think!


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